Azima
... gratitude for the support and connection to grounding
“What people now call “the holidays” used to be known as holy days. Gratitude is an act or practice of making things whole and making life holy. Despite and because of all the current divisions and acts of violence and vengeance, we need to find ways to feel and know that life remains holy and that healing remains possible.” ~ Michael Meade
In Michael Meade’s recent online event “Living in a Time of Overwhelm”, Meade speaks of “azima” - a word which in Swahili means gratitude for the earth for supporting us and supporting life in general; it means respect to the earth, opening or connection to grounding, and it also involves giving to the earth what we cannot carry ourselves - our fears, tears, grief and pain. Imagining the earth beneath our feet as something that gives us energy and is grounding us during the overwhelming moments in life is what we can do daily. We can feel azima when we are alone and lonely, or when with others, and singing this word for a long time helps dissolve certain fears for Swahili people.
Within this week of giving thanks (here, in the United States, where Thanksgiving is celebrated) the topic of gratitude, thankfulness and grace comes very naturally. We may as well speak about this topic more often, and practice these qualities in our daily lives. But we tend to forget. We are conditioned to move on with our lives fairly quickly, to bounce back and continue as if nothing happened. It’s not necessarily that we are bad, selfish or self-centered people, but rather that our focus seems to be entirely placed on what is in front of our own eyes, within our own home and the dear ones. Potent is the power of forgetting things especially when they do not apply directly to us, and affect us and our families. What is going on somewhere else in the world - even in the other neighborhood - is somehow not our concern. It’s really strange how interconnected all of us actually are, and yet how separate and isolated we often act, live and feel.
Considering that we live in times of great conflicts, dramatic shifts, and significantly increased uncertainty, it seems even more appropriate time for this kind of essay. Calling to remembrance gratitude, grace and thankfulness. Cultivating gratitude is as equally as important as cultivating grief, sadness, love and compassion, and it comes from the same place - from our hearts. We could be grateful and at the same time feeling pain with and for all of those who are suffering around the world. We are capable of receiving things and being thankful for them all the while knowing that many around us are not so fortunate today, or ever really. We don’t have to feel guilty for receiving, we don’t have to stop living our lives and be overwhelmed with the world, but we need to be thankful to be among those who can receive, among those who are more lucky, blessed and certainly more privileged.
Being able to notice how blessed I am and being thankful for things in my life was rarely my natural state of mind in the past. I am more like a fatalist of a kind when it comes to keeping the positive and appreciative approach to life, love and luck. And, although, I was pretty lucky throughout my life, and presented with numerous opportunities that could make me feel grateful, it would almost always make me roll my eyes whenever I would hear someone share about all the great things in their life, and I would keep on wallowing in my own shortcomings and misfortune. Then, slowly, with time, I moved away from that limited place into a more spacious one where I could see and admit all those good things in my life, but not without pointing out to all those that are not working out or those that could go bad. Almost like a kind of conditional gratitude, really. I think I was always much more comfortable in my melancholy and sadness and longing, than in happiness, joy or even contentment for that matter. Almost as if I was afraid to let myself be happy, or admitting to others that I am happy because that would put me in a place where I have to remain that way and keep up that attitude every time when someone asks me how I am doing…
”Gratitude is like a blossoming from within that reconnects us to the underlying wholeness of life.
Grace involves a state of mercy and wonder that can fall upon us unexpectedly, regardless of the conditions of the daily world.” ~ Michael Meade
Although I find it much more achievable to be grateful and thankful than before, to this day I still struggle with patience, joy, happiness, positivity, optimism - to name just a few. I am, however, way more able to recognize all the good things that show up in my life, to be thankful for all the past opportunities as well as those which are still coming my way, and to also be able to feel the compassion for those less fortunate than I am.
In one of her essays, marvelous and inspirational Nadia Bolz-Weber writes “Gratitude has a difficult time co-existing with entitlement.” Wow Nadia, you’re hitting me in my most fragile spot. Just how many times in my life have I found myself in the position of deserving something just because I am me and, therefore, worthy of being treated in a particular way that somehow does not apply to others - when thinking that everyone else has a better relationship than me as my ex husband doesn’t love me the way I want to be loved and the way I “should” be loved, while working for an amazing mindfulness recovery center in rural Thailand and being envious of a colleague who just started her own practice in California, for living in a paradise of Bali while being jealous of a friend who finally took some time off to visit Aruba (that I never was even interested in visiting), and so on. Why wasn’t it me who travelled there, how come I didn’t get a better work offer, how is it that I am making less money than her, why was I not offered that job… It’s just like when I left my first marriage after I thought about all of those things and feelings I did not receive from him, all the while forgetting about every single amazing and beautiful thing that I got to have and receive from him throughout the years we spent together. Entitlement is a bitch. It will leave you bitter and discontent. Not to mention alone.
“I’m not one to take much stock in “cheer up!” messages from people who are more naturally cheerful than I am, or “be grateful!” messages from people who are more naturally grateful than I am. So if you are someone (like me) whose first reaction to everything isn’t the very best most mature thing in the world, I invite you to join me in praying to be moved as quickly as possible to genuine gratitude and to not have that feel like a betrayal of the part of us that still has unmet needs.” ~ Nadia Bolz-Weber
While people (including me) are celebrating Thanksgiving here in the United States - with loads of food, football games on their big TV screens, with lots of family members and friends around - let’s just be aware of so many people somewhere out there in the world who are suffering. This is not to say that we, who are lucky enough to be alive, healthy and well, should not be living our lives, but rather that we could once again not take things we have for granted, as if they were guaranteed and promised to us somehow. During this time of the most recent conflicts and genocide in Gaza, I have been following an inspiring and brave young journalist, Plestia Alaqad. This young woman’s tagline, “see Gaza through my eyes”, offers some painful and at the same time beautiful and intimate moments from Gaza. A few days ago she posted about a privilege of charging her phone after a while and being able to revisit some old memories through the photos she took. She expressed how she misses her old journals and diaries, how she cannot imagine that all her memories were gone forever, and how she misses everything she ever took for granted. We might not be in the middle of the war, but we as sure as hell can take things for granted. I know I can.
Being thankful and grateful is the opposite of taking things for granted. So, gratitude is not simply thankfulness for those things we have received from others and the universe, but it can arise from giving as well. What we look for when giving thanks are those beautiful moments of wholeness and completeness that can help bring a sense of grace and flow back into the world. And if that happens, the pain of separations, losses and isolation can be recovered, even if only for a brief moment. The presence of gratitude also stands as a signal of the inner goodness and virtue that is innate to each of our souls.
In times of global troubles and excruciating tragedies and pain, may we take those practice of coming together to bring the blessings of gratitude into our hearts and out into the world.
Here’s my, very much incomplete list of things for which I am grateful and thankful today:
That I am still sober, my body and mind are still cooperating, and I seem to be liking myself more and more.
That my dog and I seem to more and more connected each day.
That my lifestyle and my daily choices are resembling my true self more than ever before.
For everything that writing has brought to my life and my heart.
For my age and the wisdom that comes with it.
That my friends still don’t mind me crashing in their houses.
For all the communities I belong to and feel part of, and for my dear clients who seem to be teaching me something every day.
For having food in my fridge, and coffee available whenever I want/need it.
That I get to have this little safe space of the virtual world for my writing and my thoughts, and for all of you who support me in that, through whatever ways you can.
That I am still interested in learning new things, and for being able to afford them.
For my parents being healthy and safe, and for supporting me in my adventures.
That I get to be alive during the times of such radical social movements and change.
For my curiosity, openness to new and unknown, and for feeling alive again.
That there are at least a couple of people on this Earth who know me completely and still accept me and love me unconditionally.
And much more…
“More than ever, we need occasions of grace and gratitude, however small they may be. We need moments of wholeness to rekindle our spirits and to ease our souls. We need to feel that life, despite all the existing divisions and heated conflicts remains a holy place, a place where healing remains possible.
When the world keeps turning upside down, it can be time to look and feel deeper inside in order to find the people and aspects of life that we are most grateful for. Sometimes that's all we need to do in order to reconnect to and contribute to the holiness of life. In doing that, we can ease the burden of our own hearts; we can also connect to the original sense of humanity and enable more grace to enter the world.” ~ Michael Meade
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Stay safe. Marina
Awesome post, Maki! and with many to choose from, I'll go with, "Gratitude has a difficult time co-existing with entitlement" as the one reverberating me...and having me mull over that paradox of how they do co-exist within me...just not appearing or being felt simultaneously...thanks for this!