Busyness as Laziness
... and can we feel good (enough) doing nothing
“The danger is not lack of time for interiority; the danger is distraction, and the addictive lure of comparison and competition.”
I spent years, better yet decades, being busy. As a child, busy with school, sports, and languages, then busy studying, then busy working and studying, then busy just working. I was rushing before yoga and meditation class so that I can make it on time, and I was also busy right after it - often not staying till the end of Savasana so that I can make it to the next thing. It was always about the next thing. Throughout my life I was always studying something. Nothing wrong with being a lifelong student, but sometimes you need to ask yourself why you are pursuing it. What is the benefit? And what are you achieving with it? What is the intention behind? I was particularly busy when I find myself in a romantic relationship; then everything else would be put on the back burner and the relationship would be priority. I could not spare time for friends because I was busy being with my boyfriend.
I remember when people started eventually approaching me with “I know you must be very busy …” and there would be a part of me that felt important, validated, valuable, and needed. I don’t believe these things anymore. And I don’t actually like when my days and my calendar are filled by things that I have to “accomplish”; however, I am still guilty of “being busy”. I think most people I know are.
Being busy is rated very highly in our society. It’s often a sign that one “made it”, that one is successful and important and needed. Often, there is a sense that the world would not be able to function without that person. And, we take this on, we take it as an ego trip of self-importance. Some take it as a challenge and compare and compete with others. We set up our lives so that we are busy, and the culture we live in supports it, and encourages it. So, we raise our children to be busy too, to work hard, and to never stop, take a pause and be in silence. Our minds are constantly busy so we don’t really have a sense of the world we live in.
Additionally, if we want to do something right, and with our full attention and presence, we can’t multitask. Multitasking is a myth. Again, it contributes to being busy which is an important trend. If you can’t multitask, your value goes down. We are expected to do many things at the same time - to work long hours, to take short breaks while still in front of our computers, to eat our lunch standing, and then to go home and work some more. Well, we don’t have to live like that. But, unless you decide that you don’t want to live like that and take some time for yourself, it won’t happen.
Business is one of the most present additions in our society, I am certain of it. It is a distraction stronger than any other. It comes with a high incentive, as one gets to be competitive, gets bonuses, gets a better pay, or a bigger house, or more toys, or gain more prestigious place in society. To me, this is a sign of a sick society and not the one I want to be a part of. I don’t want to be contributing to this society. This is just another way to avoid being with ourselves, relating to ourselves, to all our shadows and pains, joys and contentment, and also with others around us.
I have read somewhere the other day “We usually say we are busy, but busy is just another from of samsara.” This is so true - being busy is a hamster wheel, it is a pervasive suffering that this human experience can become, if we let it. Just pause for a moment right now and ask yourself why are you so busy. Is it because you believe you have to accomplish all the things that you envisioned today, or else … ? Is it because you believe deep down that otherwise you are not worthy enough? Can you do nothing and (still) be worthy, valuable? Are some of your young parts burdened with the belief that you are unworthy, and so other parts of you decided to antidote this by working extra hard in life? Do you want to be better, wealthier and more successful than those around you? Do you believe that life has to look like this and you have no choice in it what so ever? Why are you so busy?
Maybe you think that you are having a full life because you are very busy. But, in reality, this is the only certain human life you will ever have. So, is it worth it? Are you really having a full life? Very often my clients wonder when are they supposed to do their practices - like yoga meditation, breathing, therapy etc. - since they have such busy lives, running around all day. Well, the question is really - what kind of life is that? Is that the life worth living? Most people in the US live like this, and I am not so surprised about that considering that this culture promotes busy lifestyle, and people have a hard time relaxing, doing nothing and going inwards. But more and more I see this pattern in other countries where I have lived, and even in Serbia, where I was born. This habit of being busy is so pervasive, and we seem to be willing to do just anything to avoid dealing with our lives, or even just living them fully.
So many people are afraid of being alone, with their own heads and that space between our ears that can get very loud. Until I got sober and started my lifelong self-inquiry quest, I could not stand being alone. You would never find me alone, at home, quiet, in silence, doing something for my own soul, or, heck, just not doing anything. Never. I would always be outside, running around, meeting people, “doing things”. I think that my first addiction - or how I sometimes like to call it “my first escaping” - was people. Since I was a little girl. Always with other people, with other kids. I would have always found an excuse to why I can’t sit down and be alone. Additionally, when I was growing up, there was always something to do besides school - tennis, jazz ballet, English classes, Spanish classes … most of us are raised like this from a very early age. Children are running from one activity to another (just like their parents). Non stop. There is almost no unstructured time - unless children are playing games and being online - where a child can spend some time in solitude. Most of us grew up carrying these expectations from our parents, and we are still living them, we fully internalized them.
These days many people tend to believe that it is a privilege or even a spoiled and selfish act, to just sit down and be with yourself. I have been working in the retreat settings for the past 5-6 years, and I often hear about it. Being in a retreat, spending a day (or an hour, really) on a date with yourself, meditating daily, contemplating on life and events, being in a therapy, or even just doing nothing for a bit (if you can imagine that!) are just some of the examples of how you can spend time alone. But, we are too busy for all that. And it doesn’t matter if you are busy with things that you like; still, what kind of life is that, just running from one thing to another or spending most waking hours with your work. I don’t know about you, but I am tired of that life. As much as I can still get myself busy, I do try to take any chance I get to be in the nature, be in solitude, do a retreat somewhere, set some boundaries with my employers, and carve daily moments for only me.
Just the other morning, I caught myself future tripping and stressing about my upcoming day at work, while I was doing my morning practice. It was so incredible to observe this, often chaotic, mind as it jumps from a thought to a thought, and creates this web of unsettling feelings. Why am I stressing out about something that is not happening for the next three hours, instead of being present for that one thing that I am doing right now? I have purposely dedicated the early time in the morning to myself and my practices, and I still get to stain them with the thoughts and plans about things that are not here yet (and quite honestly, not that important). Yeah, it happens to all of us …
In Buddhism, we often perceive this idea of being busy as ignorance. Maybe you wonder why ignorance. Well, ignorance means that we don’t have all the components we need to have in order to make informed choices about life - choices where we understand all the benefits and risks of our decisions. Because we are believing that this busyness is bringing something valuable to us, we are not recognizing that we are actually not giving our real selves a chance if we are constantly busy. And this is considered a wrong worldview. While living in the west, I have experienced how backwards these things can be; that you even have to put your meditation on to your To Do list! I used to do it. Sometimes I still do it. Otherwise, there is a significant chance that my practice will end up on the bottom of it, and will never be done.
It is up to us, and us alone, to look at our daily life and find time for things that matter to us. And with this comes the question: do you believe that you matter? Do you believe that you and your wellbeing and your time are important at least as much as your partner’s, or your kid’s, or your friend’s, if not even more? Do you believe that if you create some time for yourself only, you can actually relate better to the rest of the world? Is it really true that you don’t have time or could you maybe rearrange it, so that you show some love to your self, and give some attention and appreciation to your self? Be honest.
We go filling up our daily schedules and calendars until there is no empty space left. When was the last time you had an empty slot in your calendar and did not feel panic, this urge to fill it up? This is where the Tibetan Buddhist idea of business being laziness comes from. Why? Because when we are busy, we are on autopilot, we turn our brains off, and keep on running the hamster wheel. We fill up the space so we don’t have to pause, to look inside, to relate to our feelings, and to slow down and notice what is going on around us. That is how we can be perceived lazy. We fill up our space so we don’t have to deal with our life, and we would not experience boredom. Believe it or not, boredom is one of the significant triggers in most addictions. I speak from my own experience here. When I was drinking and using, I could not have a moment where nothing much was happening, absolutely no moments of pause. Every space of the day had to be filled up with things, and new experiences, and exciting details, and other people, and traveling, and going places. It makes me exhausted and sad just thinking about it.
We need to stop saying that we are busy. And we need to stop doing million things at the same time. It is a learnt, conditioned and unhealthy mindset, that not only affects us but also those around us. If we don’t make time for ourselves and our relationships, we are harming many people. And for taking time for ourselves only we are responsible. No one else. I understand that our individual lives are different, that sometimes life can be difficult, and that we all have a variety of responsibilities. But we also spend so much time on things that don’t matter; things that won’t benefit us longterm, things that won’t make us healthier and happier, and that won’t contribute to better relationship with ourselves and the world.
“One of the things about being busy is that it is un-examined behavior. It’s habitual.” ~ Reggie Ray
There is a teaching given by Chögyam Trungpa, a Tibetan Buddhist meditation teacher, that has changed the way a lot of people in the West look at their work lives and their career - learn how to invite space into your worklife. What this means, in a nutshell, is that the space itself will actually carry through what you, yourself, need to do - somehow, even magically, without you doing an actual work, things will get done, people will show up, serendipitous situations will find you. You don’t have to buy this, try it yourself and you’ll see. The more you take care of yourself and slow down, the more openness happens in your life. When there is no space for things to happen, nothing really happens, your life doesn’t happen. You don’t let it happen. If there is no space for life to happen, we end up just working, and exchanging schedules with people, exchanging programs and plans, and not really deeply connecting.
“If there isn’t a complete sense of openness and space, then communication between two people can not happen. Period. It’s that simple.” ~ Chögyam Trungpa
For those of you who rarely, or never, meditate, and even for all of us who have a daily practice, maybe you want to try a (seemingly) simple practice. Actually, the only things simple about this practice is the instruction. There is a meditation called “Do Nothing.” I have tried it a few times. It is also called “just sitting” and Krishnamurti also calls it “choiceness awareness”. The full instructions for this meditation are: sit down and do nothing. Choiceless awareness means that you are aware of whatever comes to you, without choosing it. And, you are not doing anything about it. Just try it. And then when you think you can’t do it, keep on (not) doing it. You’ll notice it is super difficult. Because every time we notice anything, our mind wants to do something with that sensation or information. It wants to explain it, analyze it, complain about it etc. That is how we are wired, our mind wants to make sense of things all the time. So, you’ll have to “do” something about “not doing” anything in this meditation.
I think we all need more instructions like this in life - do nothing. It is pretty radical, I know. Most of you probably never heard someone tell you that. Go there, sit down and do nothing. Not - go there and listen to the music, go there and write, go there and study; but, go there and do nothing. Every time you try this, you’ll notice that you are paying attention to something particular, you’ll notice that mind is engaging in a story - you just let go of that.
Sadly, it is just how we live our lives. We jump on things. I am saying this because this is still my own pattern. It appears a lot less than before, but it still happens. Without thinking things through, I tend to jump on something that sounds like a great opportunity in the moment. What happens, however, is that other stuff come up with it and all of a sudden, I am stuck with something years down the road, some responsibility that I didn’t really want in the first place. For example, I started a recovery group back just when covid began, with an intention of being of service and also having a supportive community of people who struggle with addictions. I was stuck with it three years later because I did not find anyone else to take responsibility and run the group, but it was always me who needed to show up. I overpromise myself in terms of working with clients or working on different projects - I think I want to do everything and that everything is equally important, I say yes to everything and yes to being in many places at the same time. But, as I am (sometimes still) learning, this is tiring, and also not beneficial and sustainable for me personally. I have lost many close moments with dear people because I was too busy.
Often we don’t think things through before committing to something that comes up. Like, why do I need this? What am I expecting to get, to receive, out of this activity? What is the benefit in doing it? So many times we jump on things before thinking them through. And then we regret it later when we realize that we are responsible humans who will do what they had committed to, so we do things but we also feel a lingering resentment around it.
For the end, I would like to leave you with a few questions to reflect on, if you like. This human life is precious and short, and we are uncertain about the next one (that is if you believe in reincarnation). We need to bring more calmness into our lives, and create more space so that our life can unveil. The good thing is that you can make a change and start over any day. Maybe today is the day.
Are you always trying to get somewhere other than where you are?
Is most of your doing just a means to an end?
What is the most important thing/person/relationship in your life?
Are you always focused on becoming, achieving, and attaining, or alternatively chasing some new thrill or pleasure?
Do you believe that if you acquire more things you will become more fulfilled, good enough, or psychologically complete?
Do you believe you deserve to slow down and take care of yourself despite everything in this culture telling you the opposite?
When will you do so if not now?
