i paid a visit to the little mermaid
“Why have not we an immortal soul?” asked the little mermaid mournfully; “I would give gladly all the hundreds of years that I have to live, to be a human being only for one day, and to have the hope of knowing the happiness of that glorious world above the stars.” ~ Hans Christian Andersen, The Little Mermaid
I have been gone from Substack longer than I hoped for. Since I started writing in April ‘23, this is the third time - I believe - that I am posting late. This time, my excuse has been traveling - I cannot believe how much more difficult, complicated, and stressed it is for me to travel these days. Preparing for the trip, followed by the trip alone - this time it’s been three flights along with taking my service dog, Mala, with me, and then moving through the ebb and flow of a jet lag, all the while settling and adapting to the (old) new environment. My trip was long and exhausting, the jet lag powerful and intense, and only two days later, I added an additional trip to all that fuzziness - a quick visit to Copenhagen. And, I have to say, I do not regret it for a bit - it’s been such a rich, beautiful and contemplative experience.
If you have been in Copenhagen, you have probably visited one of the most beautiful landmarks and tourist attractions of this city - a small bronze statue of the Little Mermaid. Located in the neighborhood of Langelinie Pier, this statue resembles not the Disney character - Ariel - but the mermaid from the original tale written in 1837 by the popular Danish author, Hans Christian Andersen (if you like, you can read the original tale here).
In his - original - version of the story, the Little Mermaid has no name, and the story does not have such a happy ending. As the story goes, the Little Mermaid lives in an underwater kingdom with her father, the Sea King, her paternal grandmother - a wise old woman, and her five older sisters. Since very young age, the Little Mermaid is fascinated by the world above the sea surface, as well as human beings, and keeps a statue of a human boy - that ended up there after a shipwreck - in her garden in the palace. She often feels quite lonely, different and separate from the rest of her family, and asks her grandmother to tell her stories about humans. Grandmother, whom she has a close relationship with, tells her that humans, although live much shorter than mermaids (apparently, they can live three hundred years), have eternal souls that live on in heaven after death. When she turns fifteen, just like her older sisters, the Little Mermaid is allowed to swim to the surface and see the world above. During her outing on the surface, she observes a birthday celebration on a ship nearby in honor of a handsome prince, and falls in love with him from the distance. A storm then hits, the ship sinks, and the Little Mermaid saves the prince from drowning and drags him to the shore while he is unconscious. Prince never sees the Little Mermaid, and instead another woman finds him. Sad and longing for the prince and the potential of the eternal life, the Little Mermaid decides to see the Sea Witch and get help in order to be able to join the humans above the water. The Sea Witch agrees to help her but, in turn, takes the Little Mermaid's voice and cuts out her tongue. She also warns her that she will never be able to return to the water, and that walking on her new feet will feel as if she was stepping on sharp knives. Additionally, she will attain a soul only if she marries a prince; otherwise, if he marries someone else, the Little Mermaid will die and dissolve into a sea foam. As prince ends up marrying someone else, at the wedding her sisters bring her a dagger that she can use to kill the prince. As the Sea Witch instructed - if the Little Mermaid kills the prince and lets his blood drip on her feet, she will become a mermaid once more, and she will live her life in the ocean with her family. The story ends with the Little Mermaid finding that she can't kill the prince, and instead, she sacrifices herself to save his life, throws herself off the ship and into the water at the dawn, and turns into sea foam. What happens then is quite magical - the Little Mermaid’s body dissolves into foam, but instead of coming go an end, the daughters of the air save her life and turn her into an exquisite and delicate spirit like them. They explain to her that because of her selflessness and striving to obtain an immortal soul, they are giving her an opportunity to earn her very own soul and ascend to heaven.
“But if you take away my voice,” said the little mermaid, “what is left for me?”
“Your beautiful form, your graceful walk, and your expressive eyes; surely with these you can enchain a man’s heart. Well, have you lost your courage? Put out your little tongue that I may cut it off as my payment; then you shall have the powerful draught.”
“It shall be,” said the little mermaid. ~ Hans Christian Andersen, The Little Mermaid
This is a story of deep passion and devotion; longing and sacrifice; a desire to be in two realms - and immortal - and it ends with death, dissolvement, and a hopeful rebirth. The main character ends her life by becoming a sea foam and uniting herself with the ocean - while obtaining a soul that lives forever. Sea foam seems to represent a symbol for the essence of life. The Little Mermaid does not marry the prince, moves into his castle, and remain living with him happily ever after. Instead, she experiences a deep inner transformation, through following her own choices and desires - showing us through this how the feminine can be released and freed.
I never really liked fairy tales with happy endings - while fully knowing that they are fictions, I still liked them when they are more realistic - and therefore, I love this tale, even though it is tragic and sad at times. The Little Mermaid was fascinated with life, with the unknown and the forbidden, and she intended on broadening her horizons from the very beginning of the story. Even before she fell in love with the prince, she was passionate about the world and the human realm, and wanted to experience it all. The deep desire to live forever in the afterlife is what drives the Little Mermaid's quest to become human and marry prince. When she goes to the Sea Witch seeking help, the Little Mermaid is just as interested in eternal life in heaven as she is in the prince. This is certainly not just another love story - certainly not a traditional fairytale. Longing and wanting so much to live one’s own passions and dreams is such an inspirational dedication, and an admirable act.
It’s not surprising to me that this tale has been on my mind, and that my European “tour” took me to Copenhagen and to the Little Mermaid - considering that I have been moving through my own liminal space. Embarking on a journey of reclaiming my feminine identity and a journey of my own personal sexual revolution, diving into the unknown territory - where I could easily end up being judged, criticized and misunderstood, to say the least - while risking everything. And, yet, I won’t stop. It is stronger than me, just like the Little Mermaid’s desire to join the above-the-surface world, to co-exist with humans and become immortal. And… I am so happy. Radiant, even. And, certainly alive. For the first time in a very long time.
As I am about to turn forty five in a couple of days - age that represents the beginning of the second half of life - and getting closer to the prime age for most women, I can’t help but reflect on my inner workings and the reconnection with my feminine identity - and how all that ties with the story of the Little Mermaid. Just like getting legs and feet was new and rebirthing experience for the Little Mermaid, so was for me this freeing experience of self-discovery. I got my legs, and got to stand on my both feet firmly. I have been breathing deeply into my belly. I have been giggling, and laughing, and loving and dreaming again. The price may be too high - a death of a previous life, a judgment from the rest of the world - but absolutely worth it. I got a new life, one that I never knew and always waited for.
One of the ways this story has been interpreted is through the laborious liminal crossing of the girl into the system of speech and social symbolism which is symbolically understood as masculine world. Another analysis involves the idea that the story contains a message about love and self-sacrifice, as well as the dangers of accepting abuse or inconsiderate treatment in the name of love. This could be viewed as an additional way of how women would be preferred to be voiceless, mute, and without a sense of expression and agency. Cutting off her tongue and silencing her is a great metaphor for femininity and womanhood. It also can indicate the women’s lack of power in a society that is primarily masculine.
At the time when the story has been written, women weren’t seen as people really - they were seen as property of men. They would gain their status through men and marriage - if she marries the prince, the Little Mermaid will get to have the soul and become immortal. This mistreatment is also depicted through how the prince treats the Little Mermaid - more like a pet than a human being. She could be validated only by marrying a human.
I wasn’t aware of how much certain elements of this tale apply to me and my life. I used to believe that I have always had been treated equally to men only to realize that my opinions and intellect would often be preferred to be replaced by looking pretty and being a little less opinionated, less intimidating and a bit more quiet. Many of my early relationships - both professional and romantic - were with men who would want to shut me up and silence me, and force me to obey. Growing up I was referred to as a “son” by my family, and this really messed up my relationship with men and women - and also my relation to masculine and feminine aspects of the self. I have develop a strong attraction to masculine qualities and identification with men, while at the same time rejected the feminine qualities and considered them weak and passive. All of this was even more confusing when I would consider sacrifice and, borderline, abuse to be love and connection. So many times I have swallowed whatever the society fed me with in relation to sex, pleasure, womanhood and femininity, promiscuity and cultural expectations - continuously desired to be perceived appropriate, and at the same time deeply longing for authenticity and finding my true self.
I can sense tears in my eyes as I am typing this - tears of gratitude and joy. Many women spend decades being something that they are not, continuously adapting themselves to fit into social norms and expectations - especially when it comes to sex and sexuality. I am one of those women. And I am so thrilled to finally be breaking free from these chains. It may feel, at times, as if I am walking on knives, but I’ll take it any day. I wish for the same gift to all of you who still are being prisoners of our society.
“… After we have striven for three hundred years to all the good in our power, we receive an immortal soul and take part in the happiness of mankind. You, poor little mermaid, have tried with your whole heart to do as we are doing; you have suffered and endured and raised yourself to the spirit-world by your good deeds; and now, by striving for three hundred years in the same way, you may obtain an immortal soul.” ~ Hans Christian Andersen, The Little Mermaid
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Until we meet again,
Marina
This is so true for all of us. We trudge through life playing the role society has cast on us. Most of us aren't even aware, but once we do it, it's up to us to break free from that mold. And how freeing it is!