Teachers, Heroes, Sponsors, Gurus, Mentors ... Influencers
“Each child must be born to a particular family, yet the purpose of each soul rises from a different conception and aims at a different destination. Each has a family legacy of some kind, yet each also has a deeper birthright waiting to be discovered. Elements of fate and destiny press upon us from within and also call us from outside the walls of the family complex. Unseen threads and inner designs secretly pull us into the crossroads where meaningful choices must be made.
The point is to find the path already set within one's own soul from before the time of birth. The point is to be willing to undergo a little death in order to find the genuine thread that can lead to one's natural destiny.” ~ Michael Meade
I keep reflecting and telling stories, these days, on how and where I met all the people that I know, how I ended up where I am and who I am, and how and why I have been doing what I am doing in my life. As some of us love to say - everything that happened to me in life brought me here and so every experience is equally valid and important (no matter how challenging and even painful it might have been at times). But, this is more than just experiences - this is about those humans, places and situations which influenced us in many ways so that we make choices that we made and end up where we are right now (and, I don’t mean Instagram influencers; although, if you are from the generation where IG personalities are your biggest heroes, that’s fine; that’s just not my cup of tea).
One of the first people who impacted me and my desire and hunger for travel, adventure and diversity, were my parents. They packed us up and moved us to Libya in 1986, despite the political situation there, that soon resulted in bombing and economic sanctions. I don’t have many childhood memories before moving to Africa, but I remember the time in Libya like it was yesterday - every color, every smell, every sight, the wondrous Sahara desert dunes, soft silky sand, hot, oppressive and sharp sirocco wind, rain on my skin after the almost one year long drought … I could have not asked for more adventurous and colorful two and a half years of my childhood. Plus, my parents don’t ask me these days when I will be settling down in one place, or when will I be back in Serbia, getting married and giving them grandchildren - they know me better than that. They know that my home is wherever I am.
I used to draw beautifully when I was only 6-7 years old. My parents consulted a known artist to ask him if I was any good. He said yes, but I will remain good, and even get better, only if I continue honing the talent. I didn’t. Maybe because my parents were lazy about it or because I was not to be pushed into it but rebelling against it instead - this creative skill was not practiced and the talent left me. I found out recently that my aunty Safiye (who was born in Istanbul, from the Serbian mother and the Turkish father) had the same talent as a young child, also neglected it, only to pick up painting and drawing again in her mid fifties. This woman has been on my mind a lot lately, especially when I decided to pick up writing. It is never too late for a creative outlet, especially if you decide to revisit the one you abandoned in the young age.
During my undergraduate studies, inspired by the conflicts in the Balkans, I have pursued a two-year long course in community youth work leadership, and had a privilege to learn side to side with some of the most influential mediators and conflict management workers and trainers from Northern Ireland. One of them, Pat, left the strongest impression on me. This sweet, Santa Claus looking like man helped me develop my inter-personal skills, get that faith in myself and the self-esteem, as well as served as a holder of a safe space for any and all of my needs as his student. Finally, he inspired all of us to work well as team members in diverse communities while displaying appropriate cultural sensitivity and effective leadership. This course was the entrance into the conflict resolution / alternative dispute resolution world - my other biggest passion (how I like to refer to it) - as well as my choice of postgraduate studies a few years later.
In 2003, during my undergraduate studies, I visited the US for the first time - New York City and O’ahu, Hawaii. How and why I ended up there, is a magical story in itself, and I might write a whole essay on just this event. Here, I will just mention it briefly. I met a guy online, who was originally from Serbia but living in Hawaii at the time. He and I connected right away and spent the next five months speaking over the phone daily (I am not exaggerating). We became very close despite being so far away from each other, and ever seeing each other’s face. Finally, I have decided to go and meet him in person. I managed to get all the paperwork needed for the US tourist visa on my own (this was super difficult process at the time), my parents could not change my mind although they’ve tried many times - I was determined and unstoppable. Me and the guy had the most beautiful romance that lasted for three months, and ended shortly after I left Hawaii. During my time there, however, I have taken all the tests required for a graduate school application - just in case I needed it. My love for Hawaii remained, and eventually, I moved there for graduate school in 2006.
During graduate school I’ve had a fair amount of teachers and mentors who were involved in alternative dispute resolution area. As I was not sure where life would take me after graduation, I have asked for their counsel and advice, and received many valuable suggestions. One of them I followed. After I graduated, I moved from Hawaii to Washington DC for a prestigious internship at the Institute for Multi-Track Diplomacy, an NGO founded by a former US ambassador and diplomat. Additionally, while in DC I have had a privilege to study mediation with one of the most amazing humans - Irvin taught me many skills: mediation, conflict management, communication skills - but above all he taught me listening, understanding, empathy, and love for all. He cared deeply for people, dedicated his life to transforming relationships, and he was so curious himself and always wanted to learn more about others and their point of view. Although my time in DC was terribly challenging considering that I landed there in 2008, in the middle of the economic crisis, and I was still on a foreign student visa which limited me in finding work, I still cherish deeply these experiences and the people I met.
Finally, Washington DC brought something else valuable to me. This is where I met my first husband, Ira. I met him basically through Craigslist, while looking for a place to live. His roommate placed an add on Craigslist and took me through the house, when I saw Ira sitting in the kitchen and playing his guitar. I fell in love with him instantaneously. I never ended up living in this house, but we ended up dating and getting married later on. He likes to tell the story how he ordered a Russian bride and instead got a Serbian one, but never returned her.
Ira and I lived in Washington DC for a year maybe and then moved to San Diego, following a warmer weather. After two years in SD we both struggled to find work that inspires us, and after I got a job in Los Angeles, we moved there. Shortly after we separated. In LA I worked for a big yoga teacher training company, when I met Will. This was 2013. Since then, Will has been a very special person in my life - a business partner, lover, coworker, lover again, mentor, boss, lover again, friend … Sticky relationship, for sure - but the one always present in my life. After being my favorite drinking buddy, my partner in crime, Will also helped me get sober in 2014. This is one of those relationships that never ends, just flows from one form to another, morphs and grows.
While in between jobs and at the end of my first marriage, in 2013, needless to say I struggled a lot. A friend of mine recommended I read a book written by her Buddhist teacher. I read it, and instantly fell in love with it. I reached out to her and asked when will he be coming to LA, and coincidentally (as if) he was giving a talk that month not far away from where I was living. That first talk I have heard spoke to me directly. I met the teacher and his Sangha, offered to help and volunteer, started going to teachings, retreats and started studying. I have been with Geshe Hla since - either on retreats and events, either through moving to Sedona in 2014 and living close to him and the Sangha, or simply by reflecting on him, remembering him and his teachings when I am physically far away. He has been my Heart Lama ever since I met him, and his presence changed my life deeply.
Through one of my dear Dharma sisters, Yulia, I met Swamiji. At 17, this woman left for India to spend 10 years at the feet of her Mentor and Guru, Paramahansa Swami Satyananda Saraswati. She got initiated, dedicating her life to the teaching and practice of all aspects of yoga, and since 1977 she is known as Swami Muktibodhananda Saraswati. I had a privilege to attend a few retreats with her, and she helped me get in touch with my deep inner yearning, my full potential, as a woman, yoga practitioner, and a human being. I am forever grateful to have met her.
Being involved with yoga since I was 19 years old, getting through a yoga teacher training program in 2011, meeting Swamiji soon after - all these paths led me to a beautiful healing art of Ayurveda. I met my Ayurvedic doctor and teacher in LA in 2016. I have spent 24 months with her, through a rigorous study, along with her overseeing my own individual development (sadhana) along the way. This was the closest to the system known as 'Gurukul' system of education in India, where students live along with their mentors and receive education, moral values and life skills under their guidance. I have graduated from the program in June 2018, but my teacher is still with me, always reaching out in the moments when it is most difficult for me, staying in touch and close to me at all times.
As I mentioned previously, Will is the person who helped me get clean and join AA (Alcoholics Anonymous) in September 2014. I couldn't have done this alone! Will gave me his copy of the Big Book and took me to my first AA meeting. To this day, sobriety and community means everything to me. It has changed my life completely, and it remains a priority on my list of values. Having been so fortunate to get sober in the country, and the city, where recovery is not a taboo and a stigma, but rather a new lifestyle that is embraced and valued, and where there are hundreds of recovery meetings offered weekly - I dedicated my life to working with those who struggle with addiction, and providing support. I have had my moments of doubt, and I have had a break in my sobriety, but overall, there is no better and most important and life changing decision that I made in my entire life.
Having been emerged in Buddhism even prior to getting sober, I have soon realized in my sobriety that I would like to join a Buddhist recovery meeting. Then came Refuge Recovery. This program was created by Noah Levine and a group of authors. It is is a systematic method based on Buddhist principles, which integrates non-theistic and psychological insight. Meetings were held in the Against the Stream Meditation Center building on Melrose Avenue in LA, not far away from my apartment. As soon as I joined, I loved it! A place filled with queers, rebels, outcasts, misfits, highly sensitive souls, where I can be myself fully, every single day. Although the Against the Stream and Refuge Recovery closed their centers after the allegations of Noah Levine’s sexual misconduct, I am cherishing these precious memories from the time I spent in this loving community.
In 2018, I have decided to leave the States and move to Southeast Asia. I wasn't sure exactly where I wanted to go, but I was thinking of a Buddhist country. A friend from Refuge Recovery community suggested a mindfulness recovery residential center in North Thailand - New Life Foundation (NLF). I contacted them, introduced myself, got a job as a counselor and moved there in June 2018. Living and working in the remote village in Thailand, with other fifty other international humans, was the most intense, challenging, beautiful and transformational experience - both personal and professional - I have ever got to know. Friendships remained, as well as the love for this part of the world and retreat communities worldwide.
P.S. In 2021, NLF opened a sister center in Portugal - New Life Portugal - where I had an opportunity to live and work in 2022.
While working at the NLF in Thailand, I was blessed to meet and study with Vimalasara (Valerie Mason-John) - a public speaker and master trainer in the field of conflict transformation, leadership, mindfulness and recovery. This amazing individual became one of my friends, teachers, mentors and eventually, colleagues. They are a creator of the recovery program called Eight Step Recovery, as well as the Mindfulness Based Addiction Recovery (MBAR) program - both that I got to study and teach later on. Vimalasara is also one of the facilitators and co-creators of the Compassionate Inquiry - a psychotherapeutic approach developed by Dr. Gabor Maté. Inspired by them, I have studied with Dr. Mate and became a CI practitioner in 2020.
My love for Southeast Asia and my enthusiasm for recovery took me to Bali in December of 2019. I got a job as a counselor at a rehab. However, covid started in March 2020, and I lost that job but continued working online throughout the whole pandemic. Bali has its own power and influence over many of us. She can pull you in and take you through the unforgettable journey from which you will - like it or not - step out forever changed. Mother Bali is a teacher itself, along with her beautiful people, traditions and customs, and she gave me something that I will never forget - a new perspective of the world and the example of how living more simply and modestly is the way to be in this world. Every single person I met in Bali played a role of a teacher for me, showing me more openly my shadows, my patterns and fears, my pain and joy; showing me love no matter how challenging it was at times.
And, I am in the US again. Lately I have been following Kevin Griffin’s recovery Sangha. Kevin Griffin is a Buddhist author, teacher, and leader in the mindful recovery movement. I heard of him through other teachers and recovery enthusiasts. He is very down to earth, very relatable and accessible, and always very authentic and real. I enjoy his online meetings, and find this community very helpful in my own recovery. Additionally, it was Kevin who told me about the job opening at the Big Bear Retreat Center (BBRC) - the place where I worked for the past four months. My former manager at the BBRC is a woman who also is a part of Kevin’s recovery community. It’s a small world, people say. Or, we are just so big, so compelling, and so much more connected than we often think.
This is just a little piece of who and what influenced (and keeps on influencing me) me in my life. There is the sea of friends and acquaintances, past lovers and those who I haven’t even met yet, those places and situations we sometimes call coincidences only to later on realize how distinguished they were for our future, countries and cultures which I got to know, as well as those I have yet to meet … and many more instances that serve the purpose of being predominant in my life choices and directions. Everything and everyone influences us. Everything and everyone is a teacher.
Whenever I was down and doubtful, my beloved Ayurvedic teacher and mentor used to say: “My beloved Marina, what if every single experience is equally capable of delivering bliss?” I will never forget this. No matter what happens to us, no matter what we choose and get to experience in life, no matter who we meet or don’t meet - what if each and every situation, person, and place offers an equal opportunity and chance for us to learn, to grow, to change and to experience something new.
“As you wander through your bafflingly painful and breathtakingly beautiful life, may you find the most honest words possible to speak of it all. May you find people who will not say stupid shit to you when the bottom has fallen out. And may they not try and fix you, but simply allow their own tears to join yours, soaking the holy ground of your broken heart until that same heart is filled again with the joy that comes from a perfectly timed fart joke.” ~