“When we try to domesticate our wild, assertive, and liberated spirit, she flies away to some shadowy part of our soul, where she waits for us to find her again.
Sorry for the health stuff you went through!! UTI’s suck!! Glad you’re feeling better!!
Great post. You know me and Jung…love it!!! “Paying coin to culrure”. Yep!! For sure!! Careers, climbing ladders, achievments, status and the almighty $$$$!! I’m over it!! Society got it’s coin from me. I could just sit and gaze at nature ans be 100 times more contented than a ‘promotion’. I still ‘work’ to pay expenses but my consciousness is inside with the Self.
And, as always, for your continuous support, reading and reflecting. I am doing much better, it's been tiring but also much needed, and when we don't listen to the body's whispers, it eventually starts yelling at us ;)
I am happy you find the ways to relate to my offering :)
I have a problem with my mother . She is 79 and she never calls and I’m afraid she’s very disappointed with me due to my Substance Use Disorder . I’ve never done anything to outright hurt her but she says I have worried her . But that’s on her , right ? Her worry is not my burden to carry or to feel guilt over . She doesn’t return my texts and keeps telling me it’s too late . I got very sick this past Sunday with the stomach flu and all I could think of was that my mother does not love me , my mother does not love me . It scared me so badly I had to spend the entire day in the hospital waiting to get anxiety meds . I was a mess !!! On top of this , my sister is a shit disturber and sends terrible messages to my mother that only upset her ! This morning my sister sent a message to my mother regarding me in a negative light but instead of sending it to my mother , it came to me . I sent it to my mother and my sister and added my two cents . Then my sister told me to leave my mother ALONE ! When she in fact wrote the terrible message addressed to my mother to begin with!! Any thoughts ? It seems the writing is on the wall . I guess I may need to grieve the loss of my mother starting now . It seems she wants nothing to do with me . My sister thinks she rules the roost . When she is the reason my mother and I are not close in the first place . She is so jealous of me and of our relationship . Should I be ruthless here ? How can I rise above all of this ?
Thank you and so happy to hear you are feeling better ! ❤️❤️❤️
Hello Jen and thank you for reading, as well as contributing.
I am sorry that you are going through the difficulties and struggles that you shared here. There is a reason why, for example, Al-Anon exists. It is to offer support to those whose family members are struggling with addiction. This is not the only way, of course, but it shows that just like a recovering addict is going through a period of change and recovery, those who are close to them should have a resource and support for themselves. Otherwise, their whole focus (and worry, as you described) becomes overwhelming not only for them, but for an addict as well. And this is not healthy, or helpful. So, yes, I believe that it is your mom’s responsibility to take care of herself.
We can only control our own actions and behaviors. And, even then, we can’t guarantee what outcomes will look like. Your relationship with your mother (and your sister) will definitely shift and change and take many different forms throughout time. Some of it will be your responsibility and some of it theirs, to come and meet you halfway, to invest in the relationship. However, no matter what happens on the outside, what happens with the two of them, you are always able to heal and transform on your own. You have what is needed inside of you.
I would look deeper into what this experience, these relationships, are trying to communicate to me about my life, my self, my soul’s wishes. What is asking for my attention here?
Thank you for commenting on my rant !! I just vented a whole lot on there and am so happy you replied so graciously . I just had enough at the moment and your posts and comments just really resonated . So, again, thank you .
Al-Anon most certainly is an option and I wish my family would go . My dad would not be able to hear . He’s 83 and can’t hear very well but my mother and sister could go . Thank you for the suggestion .
I feel like this experience is asking me to make a decision . A very hard one , a very complicated one . Do I engage further or do I just let them go ? I get every indication that I am no longer welcome in my family . My own family has turned their backs on me . Except my father . But if my sister had it her way , she would have it so he turned his back on me too.
Easter weekend is coming up and The Holidays are the worst for me as I’m not invited anymore . And , my sister controls what happens to my father . It’s all just so sad . I don’t look forward to Easter at all . I’m going to have to make my Easter special in someway !
I think I need to really think on what decisions need to be made and make one because when it comes to my family only chaos exists ! I don’t want chaos and instability . I need safety .
Sorry for the health stuff you went through!! UTI’s suck!! Glad you’re feeling better!!
Great post. You know me and Jung…love it!!! “Paying coin to culrure”. Yep!! For sure!! Careers, climbing ladders, achievments, status and the almighty $$$$!! I’m over it!! Society got it’s coin from me. I could just sit and gaze at nature ans be 100 times more contented than a ‘promotion’. I still ‘work’ to pay expenses but my consciousness is inside with the Self.
Welcome back friend!!!
Thank you for restacking Christopher! :)
And, as always, for your continuous support, reading and reflecting. I am doing much better, it's been tiring but also much needed, and when we don't listen to the body's whispers, it eventually starts yelling at us ;)
I am happy you find the ways to relate to my offering :)
I have a problem with my mother . She is 79 and she never calls and I’m afraid she’s very disappointed with me due to my Substance Use Disorder . I’ve never done anything to outright hurt her but she says I have worried her . But that’s on her , right ? Her worry is not my burden to carry or to feel guilt over . She doesn’t return my texts and keeps telling me it’s too late . I got very sick this past Sunday with the stomach flu and all I could think of was that my mother does not love me , my mother does not love me . It scared me so badly I had to spend the entire day in the hospital waiting to get anxiety meds . I was a mess !!! On top of this , my sister is a shit disturber and sends terrible messages to my mother that only upset her ! This morning my sister sent a message to my mother regarding me in a negative light but instead of sending it to my mother , it came to me . I sent it to my mother and my sister and added my two cents . Then my sister told me to leave my mother ALONE ! When she in fact wrote the terrible message addressed to my mother to begin with!! Any thoughts ? It seems the writing is on the wall . I guess I may need to grieve the loss of my mother starting now . It seems she wants nothing to do with me . My sister thinks she rules the roost . When she is the reason my mother and I are not close in the first place . She is so jealous of me and of our relationship . Should I be ruthless here ? How can I rise above all of this ?
Thank you and so happy to hear you are feeling better ! ❤️❤️❤️
-Jen
Hello Jen and thank you for reading, as well as contributing.
I am sorry that you are going through the difficulties and struggles that you shared here. There is a reason why, for example, Al-Anon exists. It is to offer support to those whose family members are struggling with addiction. This is not the only way, of course, but it shows that just like a recovering addict is going through a period of change and recovery, those who are close to them should have a resource and support for themselves. Otherwise, their whole focus (and worry, as you described) becomes overwhelming not only for them, but for an addict as well. And this is not healthy, or helpful. So, yes, I believe that it is your mom’s responsibility to take care of herself.
We can only control our own actions and behaviors. And, even then, we can’t guarantee what outcomes will look like. Your relationship with your mother (and your sister) will definitely shift and change and take many different forms throughout time. Some of it will be your responsibility and some of it theirs, to come and meet you halfway, to invest in the relationship. However, no matter what happens on the outside, what happens with the two of them, you are always able to heal and transform on your own. You have what is needed inside of you.
I would look deeper into what this experience, these relationships, are trying to communicate to me about my life, my self, my soul’s wishes. What is asking for my attention here?
Dear Messy Recovery ,
Thank you for commenting on my rant !! I just vented a whole lot on there and am so happy you replied so graciously . I just had enough at the moment and your posts and comments just really resonated . So, again, thank you .
Al-Anon most certainly is an option and I wish my family would go . My dad would not be able to hear . He’s 83 and can’t hear very well but my mother and sister could go . Thank you for the suggestion .
I feel like this experience is asking me to make a decision . A very hard one , a very complicated one . Do I engage further or do I just let them go ? I get every indication that I am no longer welcome in my family . My own family has turned their backs on me . Except my father . But if my sister had it her way , she would have it so he turned his back on me too.
Easter weekend is coming up and The Holidays are the worst for me as I’m not invited anymore . And , my sister controls what happens to my father . It’s all just so sad . I don’t look forward to Easter at all . I’m going to have to make my Easter special in someway !
I think I need to really think on what decisions need to be made and make one because when it comes to my family only chaos exists ! I don’t want chaos and instability . I need safety .
Hope you have a lovely weekend !
-Jen